You have no control over your life or that of your loved ones.

I hate this. I really do.

I remembered how much I hate this on Tuesday evening when my youngest son had an allergic reaction to something he ate. He’s one. Not many things are more heart wrenching than watching a one year-old have an adverse reaction to something he needs—food. What’s worse is when that reaction threatens his very life. We’ve been here before. Our older son also struggles with food allergies. It’s been the cause of sleepless nights and many tears. It’s also brought some scary moments, one in particular when, after eating something (not sure what), he started coughing, wheezing, and not breathing normally. That night was spent in the emergency room. On Tuesday, we thought we were doing it all over again.

To make a long story short, our son recovered. What started out as lip swelling and a bit of wheezing, soon calmed down into what can be categorized as a mild reaction. Our fears were averted and peace soon settled in.

At least, for now.

I hate that my kids have allergies. I want them to have “normal” lives and be able to eat ice cream and cake instead of dessert-like things made of flaxseed and grass. But the truth is, my kids (or anyone else I love) will not escape the sin and brokenness of the world. No matter how hard I try. I will continue to watch those people whom I love suffer. I hate it but it’s true.

As I lay in bed on Tuesday and relived that night’s stress, I asked myself again how do I live in this world where the potential for so much difficulty exists? How do I live without being preoccupied with what’s around the corner?

I think the answer begins with realizing again and again what I said at the beginning of this post: I do not have control. Yes, I need to be wise in my decision-making, but I ultimately cannot situate my life (or the lives of loved ones) in a way that avoids difficulty.

But admitting that you have no control only gets you so far. Stopping there will result in becoming indifferent and avoiding deep, loving relationships. I think the only way to live in this world without becoming absolutely undone with anxiety is to know God’s immense love for his creation.

I have to put all my weight on this. God loves my kids. He loves them even more than me. God’s love doesn’t translate into us avoiding pain and futility; it simply ensures he’s in it with us and will be until that day where pain and futility will be no more.