A few years ago, I asked my father if he had any parenting advice. I was a new parent and kind of clueless. Graciously, he gave it some thought and then gave me a list of 16 principles he and my mom pursued as parents.

1. Take a full interest in what they do.
2. Be a parent, not a buddy.
3. Initiate conversations and ask questions.
4. Say you’re sorry if you are wrong or have messed up.
5. Encourage them in everything they want to try, even if it doesn’t last very long.
6. If they develop a passion for something, support them.
7. Learn to say no when you need to.
8. Give lots of hugs and kisses.
9. Regularly tell them that you love them.
10. When they fail, be right there to help them get back on their feet.
11. Discipline, don’t punish, them.
12. Encourage structure in their life.
13. When things go wrong, don’t tell them how to fix it but help them come up with a solution themselves.
14. Teach them to stand up for what they believe.
15. Teach them to be polite.
16. Teach them to love God and others.

Although not perfectly, my parents pursued these principles. I am thankful, very thankful, they did. Not everyone has parents who do. I am who I am, for better or for worse, in part because of how my parents parented. And now, as a parent I want to give my children the same gift.

As I pursue these principles, I have to remember faithfulness does not ensure success. In other words, I can be the best parent the world has ever seen and still my kids can turn out to be a complete mess. Thankfully, the reverse is also true, I can be one of the worst parents and yet my kids may turn out to be individuals who love God and love their neighbor. This is not to suggest that how one parents doesn’t matter. It does. God uses our efforts. However, at the end of the day, parenting success is a matter of God’s grace.

I often forget this. As a result, when I am on a parenting win streak and my kids aren’t a wreck, I become self-righteous, and when failing, I veer off into despair. Realizing parenting is matter of God’s grace is one of the most freeing truths in the world. It enables one to parent with freedom and confidence instead of fear and the need to be overbearing.

Parents forget that their children’s future is a matter of grace.

Because God knows this and is gracious, he gives the gift of baptism, particularly infant baptism. Baptism, as Augustine said, is a visible form of an invisible grace. When children are baptized, God gives us a visible form of the promise that God will work in our child’s life regardless of our best or worse efforts.

In those moments when my parenting is marked by self-righteousness or despair, I remember my children’s baptism. As surely as the water was poured on my children’s heads, so is God’s grace.

Baptism is a remarkable gift.